The Sueslayer
by Nutrigrain Fruitspray
Summary: A Mary Sue's journey to Middle Earth doesn't exactly go as she'd planned...


**New story! Written by Nutrigrain. A Sue has a rather unfortunate journey into Middle Earth...**

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Mary Sue (or Sue, for short) skipped happily about the countryside of Rivendell, her sparkling emerald eyes reflecting both the sun and moon at once in a way that only the eyes of Mary Sues can do. Their shadowed depths revealed a greatly sorrowful past.

Yes, Sue had a great tragedy in her past. SHE HAD BEEN BORN WITH A FRECKLE. No matter how hard she had tried to remove it, it would not come off. It just sat there on her beautiful face ruining her perfectly pale complexion.

Anyhoo, Sue knew that the fellowship members would soon be leaving Rivendell. She knew this because, as a Mary Sue, she possessed incredible amounts of luck in these matters. Matters where hot elves were concerned, of course. Sue waited patiently at the exit to Rivendell. It would be soon.

Because of her incredible Mary Sue luck, Sue only had to wait five minutes for the newly formed fellowship to appear. She wisely used this time to brush her hair. She would be the only girl, and this offered her lots of flirting opportunity. Sue could easily see herself with Legolas or Aragorn. She could not wait for the opportunity she had being practically DYING for her entire life.

Just then, they appeared. The Fellowship of the Ring! Sue's heart began to beat very fast as she stepped out from the tree she had been brushing her perfect hair (a shade of red only a Mary Sue could achieve) behind. "Hello," she said, trying to look shy yet seducing. The Fellowship stopped short very suddenly. Sue saw that Legolas was staring at her. Sue fought to keep from swooning. He was looking at her…Sue grinned. This was going much better than she had even planned. Mary Sue luck, she supposed. It seemed too good to be true. And in fact, it was. Sue's heart skipped a beat. Her incredible Mary Sue luck had not covered this one.

She was not the only girl.

"But-but-but-" Sue stuttered. Finally something in her snapped. "WHY?" she wailed. The nine original Fellowship members and THE GIRL were giving her strange looks, but she didn't care. Sue kept right on going. "**I'M** one of the Mary Sues! **I'M **supposed to be the only girl here! **I'M **supposed to be **PERSONALLY INVITED **by you to join your fellowship because only **I **can destroy the ring and only **I **can save Middle Earth! That's because **I'M **the Mary Sue, **NOT HER!** **I'M **the one who's going to save all your lives tons of times because **I'M **the Mary Sue!" it felt good to vent it out. That other girl wasn't worthy of her Legolas, so Sue kept right on screaming.

**"SHE'S **not supposed to be here!" Sue sobbed. **"SHE'S **messing up my Mary Sue plan! **I'M **supposed to be here and **I'M **supposed to be the only girl so Legolas will fall in love with **ME**! **I'M **supposed to hug him and kiss him and marry him and have nineteen kids!"

Legolas disappeared behind a nearby bush, and loud retching noises were heard. Sue didn't even care anymore. She just kept on ranting about the other girl who was messing up her Mary Sue plan.

"And who **IS SHE**, anyway?"

Aragorn smiled grimly. "That, my little Mary Sue, is what is known as a Sueslayer."

Only two words of this short speech had registered in Sue's rather incapable brain. She paled even paler than her usual palish pale shade of pale pale. "Sue…slayer?" Sue stammered. "I'm a Sue…she's a sue slayer…" Sue muttered frantically. Slowly by slowly she was coming to realize what this meant. "But-but-but I'm not supposed to get slay-ed. I'm supposed to save the world. My Mary Sue Luck **HAS **to save me! It **HAS **to!"

The Sueslayer stepped forward, drawing a curved blade. She flashed Sue a sinister smile, showing pointed teeth. It was not the kind of smile that meant the person was happy; quite on the contrary. The smile was rather suggestive of a predator approaching its helpless prey. Even Sue's Mary Sue Luck could not save her now. Legolas had reappeared from behind the bush to watch the proceedings. Sue whimpered in terror.

"Goodbye, Sue." Said Aragorn as the Sueslayer stepped forward.

"No…" murmured Sue as the Sueslayer approached her. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" screeched Sue, running for her Mary Sue-ish life. She ran back through the portal that had mysteriously appeared and brought her here through Mary Sue luck.

Sue landed on solid ground back on her end of the portal. "Never." She vowed. "Never again."

**THE END**


End file.
